Saturday, September 25, 2004

ANOTHER hurricane poised to hit Florida

My mom, sister Jenny and her husband Kevin in Orlando are getting MIGHTY SICK of all this. Yet my sister and her husband have an interesting theory. Here it is, from an e-mail from Jenny:


Hello again from Hurricane Land.

May I say, to start off, it has been a lot of
hurricanes!  Apparently this is historical.  Whoo-hoo.

When Charley came, here was the reaction of the

"Well, maybe bad.  Probably not.  Lots of hype."

After Charley:  "Oh My God!!!!!!It was horrible!!!!"

Before Frances:  "Oh My God!!!!!! Plywood everything!"

Before Ivan : "HOLY SHIT!  SONOFABITCH!  That thing is
huge!  It will crush us all!!!!!!!!"

During Ivan's return: "It's Back????!!!!???? Oh My
God!!!!  It will kill us all!"

Now, in the hours leading up to Jeanne, this is what
we all sound like:

"Ok, whatever. 'Sigh'.  Let's go bring in the patio
furniture.  Good thing we have got that plywood -
which is staying up - until January."

BUT, the reason for this e-mail is not for me to
grouse.  It is to share Kevin's most excellent theory.

Ok, now we all know there is something suspicious
about Disney.  Yes, it is merry.  But it is also
eerily protected from all storms and storm damage.

I mean, it is a fact.  Sea World and Universal get
regularly whomped.  Not so Disney.

This has led to many theories.  One was that Michael
Eisner had God on his payroll, and God was protecting
the Land of the Supreme Mouse.

But that seemed unlikely.  For, as Bono said it best
"The God I believe in isn't short of cash, Mister!"
Thus, cannot be bought or whored.  Well said, Bono.
Well said indeed.

So, why the otherworldly protection of Disney???

Who else would have that kind of clout?...

Ah-ha!  It would be Satan.  It makes sense.  Michael
Eisner sold his soul to Satan, and then put Satan on
the payroll.  For a nice sum.  Like buying mafia
protection for your store, but on a grander scale.

A tidy arrangement. 

Now people have asked us here, many many times, "WHAT
did you Floridians do to piss off God?  You have had
so many hurricanes!"

Correct.  Now, here is the theory:  God has grown
annoyed with the Evil Reign of theUber-Mouse and His
Dog, Chimpmunk & Duck Minions.  And especially Eisner!

So, God is angry, at Disney & Eisner.  And Satan.

Thus in a sort of archetypal (sp?),, Star-Wars-ish
Good vs Evil battle, God keeps attempting to smite
Disney.  Tossing laser bolts and all, like the "Heat
Miser" character in "The Year Without a Santa Claus".
That is why FL is the lightning capital of the world.

God kept throwin' em and Satan kept blockin' em.

So this year God decided to up the ante.  And to throw
hurricanes.  Figuring one of them will destroy the
Land Of Mouse Uber Alles.

But Satan keeps blocking.  So, God has to use bigger
hurricanes, and even grab ones that were totally of
course inthe ocean and toss them this way.  And keep
sending Ivan back in the hopes of at least washing out
the Eisner & Satan Super Team.

But, no luck yet.  So, on it goes.  Unless they reach
a truce.  Which may happen 'round the holidays, as God
does have to admit that Disney looks pretty with all
those Xmas decorations, and should get a reprieve...

Until next summer.

I think it is a fine theory.  Explains alot, really.

So, I thought I would share it with you all.

Ok, I am now signing off.  I am sure there is still
something lying around here to batten down.



No comments: