Saturday, December 18, 2004

The Apprentice finale

Kelly won, as we know. This is good. I picked him right out at the beginning of the show. Trump LOOKED like he wanted to pick Jen. But maybe he got confused between picking an employee and picking a wife. Look at Ivana Trump and Marla Maples. Look at Jen. Hello.

But let us not forget Ivana (the contestant) and the exact point at which she lost her mind during the candy-bar-selling task and dropped her skirt for $20. Here is a hilarious re-cap from my favorite website, Television Without Pity:

"...A bit later, Ivana watches Mosaic walk away down the street. "They look like strippers with chocolate bars, I'm not going to lie. And when I say 'strippers,' I mean, like, at a cheap beer dive in Texas. With peanut shells on the floor." If she weren't such a jerk the rest of the time, I would chalk that up to just one of those things where you're so frustrated that you spit out a barrage of insults you know is irrational -- I've done it a million times, mostly about basketball officials. But it's Ivana, so she gets no slack. As she walks with Kevin and Kelly, she says that it's now "a street fight," and she's "not afraid" of Jen and Sandy. They're "cheap hookers," et cetera, et cetera. "Give me twenty bucks a bar, I'll take off my skirt," she says. Now, how you can reconcile calling other women "cheap hookers" and taking money to take your own clothes off is something that isn't quite clear to me, but we'll get back to that. Carolyn, who apparently is around, looks concerned. Ivana interviews that when she saw that Jen and Sandy were using sex appeal, she decided to "do something completely drastic." So. Ivana walks up to this guy and asks him if he'd like to buy a chocolate bar. He hesitates. "Twenty dollars a bar," she says, putting her thumb into her waistband, "and I'll drop my skirt." When he blanches, she says it again. "Twenty dollars a bar, and I'll drop my skirt." He laughs. "Come on," she says. "You're making big money in there, come on." Another guy walks up, and she makes the same comment to him. One or the other of them gives her twenty bucks. She puts down all her stuff. She grabs her skirt, and she pushes it to the ground, revealing white boy-cut underwear with some kind of print on it. One of the guys points."Niiice," he says to his buddy. "Yeeeah," he adds. She executes a spin for him, as another few people walk past. Carolyn stares coldly, thinking, "The Equal Pay Act was passed, and all I got was this lousy idiot in her underpants on the street..."

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