From my friend Maria, a reporter in Fort Worth:
i just talked to an 86-year-old woman who claimed to have a useful news tip. she didn't. but she did sing "maria" from west side story to me. then we had a conversation that went something like this: (Maria is happily married, by the way)
> her: now let me tell you about you. you're from south texas, right?
> me: no.
> her: oh. well, you're about 28 years old, right?
> me: 31, actually.
> her: your birthday is in the spring.
> me: um, december.
> her: i thought you were a gemini. i'm a scorpio. you're strong-minded and
> smart. and boy, you have a hard time getting along with your mother. i can
> almost see you. i can picture your hands. if you come by, i'll read them
> for you. i don't usually do that anymore, but i've chosen you.
> me: um, i need to get back to work. thanks for calling this morning.
> her: ok, if you don't want to know more about yourself. but you had two
> love affairs which ended terribly. and you're having a hard time finding a
> man, because you're smart and intimidate them.
> me: i've gotta go.
> her: fine, bye.